


BRINGING SEXY BACK TO WAL-MART SINCE 1849

by TheBizarreHairTrio



Category: The Lobby
Genre: BRINGING SEXY BACK TO WAL-MART, Other, Sexyback, TYPOS IN THE TAGS, Wal-Mart, gods this is so shitty but so perfext, huh, it is in dire need of sexy, sexyback new anthem of the lobby fandom, so we back in wal-mart, why yes in fact these are all dumbass teens how did you know, yeah MANNNNNNNNNN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 10:50:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21178190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBizarreHairTrio/pseuds/TheBizarreHairTrio
Summary: The Lobby cast go to Wal-Mart at 3am and demonstrate why they have been banned from most amusement parks. Also, Quin and Kitkat are vicious as fuck.





	BRINGING SEXY BACK TO WAL-MART SINCE 1849

**Author's Note:**

> THE GREAT WAL-MART RACE OF 2019 BOYS

“Alright, racers! I want a fair race, no sabotage, no wrecking the merchandise, no weapons! A good clean race!” Pam raised her arm above her head, decked out in cheap plastic bling and rainbow sunglasses. “Ready… set… go!” She sliced her hand downwards, lightning quick, and the screeching of metal and Justin Timberlake’s _ SexyBack _echoed through the Wal-Mart.

"I’M BRINGING SEXY BACK!” screamed Judas as they and Gerard went screaming past, only barely missing Pam, chased by the other three shopping carts, the latter in the basket while the former piloted. Dave and Runo's cart followed closely behind, Runo providing momentum in the back while Dave cackled maniacally in the basket. Noah and Nine’s cart careened around the turn, Nine nearly being thrown from his seat in the basket as Noah dug his heels in to brake before they crashed into the swimsuit section. Kitkat and Quin brought up the rear, Quin holding two pool noodles with a vicious grin and Kitkat clinging to the back as they sailed smoothly. 

“NOAH, COME ON, STEER CORRECTLY, I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED IN THIS!”

“THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS STUPID CART!”

The Nine-Noah team sailed past the Runo-Dave team, leaving the figurative mother-son duo victim to Quin's pool noodle attacks, before Dave grabbed ahold of one and started a dangerous game of tug of war. The Gerard-Judas duo skidded across the floor and slammed into the fishing section, allowing Nine and Noah to take the lead, the still fighting Runo-Dave team and Quin-Kitkat team coming up behind them. Judas turned the cart upright, hopped into the basket, and let Gerard rocket them forth.

"QUIN, YOU FUCKING TRAITOR, STOP HITTING ME WITH THE NOODLE!”

"THEN LET GO OF MY NOODLE, DAVE!”

"NEVER!”

The Judas-Gerard team overtook the struggling second and third places, passing by Pam who was immediately picked up by Judas and placed in the basket as they zipped past, slowly gaining on the Noah-Nine team, who were slowly losing steam.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WATCH HOW I ATTACK!” screamed the team now consisting of Judas, Pam, and Gerard, as Pam hurled her cheap bling at Noah's face, leading his cart to veer off and ram into the game section. The trio high fived and cackled to themselves, not knowing that Quin and Kitkat had defeated Runo and Dave, leaving them in the frozen foods aisle, utterly defeated. 

Quin picked up the hula hoops hanging on the sides of their cart and yeeted them at the trio, Gerard masterfully dodging.

"GET YOUR SEXY ON!” screeched Kitkat at the top of her lungs, picking up a bouncy ball and tossing it into the trio’s cart.

"KITKAT, HOW COULD YOU?! AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH!” wailed Judas, catching the ball and throwing it at Kitkat’s face in retaliation, smacking her right in the forehead and obscuring her vision, leading to yet another crash into the men’s clothing. The victorious trio zoomed past the cash registers, screeching to a halt, and howled their victory, dancing really shittily as they sang to SexyBack. The fallen racers made their way to the finish line, pride injured and mostly unhurt.

"Goddammit,” sighed Nine, as Gerard dipped Judas and kissed them in victory as Pam continued to do a very shitty rendition of default dancing.

Noah groaned in agreement. “They're all gonna be insufferable about this, I just know it.”

Runo shrugged, before snickering. “At least we brought sexy back to Wal-Mart, huh?”

The intercom crackled, and all movement ceased, even as SexyBack played for the twelfth time. “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE!”

"LET’S BRING SEXY BACK SOMEWHERE ELSE!” yelled Kitkat, as they all dashed through the doors.

"DENNY’S IS IN DEFINITE NEED OF SOME SEXY!”


End file.
